Здравствулте!
*cough* Hello.
Had enough of all those fake awards? The Oscars? So fake. The BAFTAs? Made up by the media who are too scared to tell you the truth.
To counter all that we bring you the Alternative Awards, or Alt-Awards. And these are in no way influenced by ‘foreign actors’. Only good ol’ home grown actors here. Any results that you see leaked are being done so by bad hombres. Sad.
Great news is we have a new sponsor for the event. It’s V0dka. ‘Don’t be bad. Drink like Vlad-imir.’ The classic American drink enjoyed by millions of hard working folk just like you. Never has the potato tasted so good. Apart from as ‘Freedom Fries’.
Despite appearances we know that this year will have the biggest audience ever. Billions will witness this event. 8 to 10 billion in fact.
Due to the unprecedented success of last year’s new be-quiffed mascot we’ve brought it back. If you ignore all the millions of votes against it (mostly illegal no doubt) it was the most popular statue since the last really popular one.
Welcome to the 2017 KM UK Awards.
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