We were invited to other award shows but didn’t go this time! They gave out stupid prizes, in lightweight categories! We’ll hold our own event, again, and they’re not invited to it!
Let me tell you I know a thing or two about award ceremonies! I’ve done billions of them! They’re the best award ceremonies you’ve ever seen! I’m not just saying that. Everyone knows that! Right?
And we won’t be handing out namby-pamby prizes to ‘winners’. Oh no!
From now on the so-called ‘winners’ will have to make their own statues. They can pull them out of the their own ears, their own… whatever. What’s more, we’ll make them pay us to let them make them for themselves!
And if they don’t like that we’ll force them to do something worse than wakeboarding! That’s a thing right?
We’ve got a new mascot for our event this year. As you can see (above) ‘The RichE’ is a very attractive bear. Yes, before you ask, all the fur is natural. It just grows like that.
It’s time to make the KM UK Awards great again!
Welcome to the 7th Annual ‘RichE’ Awards brought to you by Kathryn Morris UK
This is later in the season than was originally planned but protests forced the cancellation previous attempts to stage the 2016 RichE Awards on behalf of KM UK.
Bring on the winning. There is going to be so much winning you’ll get fed up with all the winning. ‘Stop with the winning’ you’ll say but we won’t. Until we do.
Sit back and enjoy as we celebrate the highs and lows of 2015.
If you don’t like it you will be escorted from the auditorium by a burly guard of your choosing.
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Best Part Of A New TV Show Award |
As soon as I saw it I knew it was going to win awards.
It’s a thing of beauty created the most amazing mind available. They must have found a way to read my thoughts (who knew I had any at all?) and put it up there on the screen for everyone to admire. Yes, the winner of this award is the 300 foot high wall around Los Angeles in the TV series Colony. Just think of the immigrants that could be kept out with the sort of technology that built that. The ‘hosts’ on that show are an inspiration to me in my campaign to be the next US Presi… I mean the best awards host possible. Bring on the wall! |
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2nd Best Part Of A New TV Show Award |
It’s a very close 2nd (aka first loser!) but the news last year that Kathryn would be once again featuring in a TV series was very welcome indeed.
She may only have a small recurring role across three episodes but hopefully it gave her a taste of and for the work again and she will consider doing more in the near future. In a not very surprising second prize of the evening for Colony the news of Kathryn’s return to the small screen in the role as Charlotte wins. |
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Worst Part Of A New TV Show Award |
As great as it really was to hear that Kathryn would be back on TV in a new series the news was tempered somewhat.
The role as Charlotte on Colony was clearly quite small, albeit crucial in the development of one of the more significant characters, and only across a small number of episodes. Those three episodes ended possibly permanently for Charlotte. We’ll just have to wait and see if she can art appraise her way out of ‘the factory’ moon base for season two. |
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Most Entertaining New Show Award |
Some times immigration can lead to good things.
John Oliver, the host of Last Week Tonight With John Oliver which is this year’s winner of the Most Entertaining New Show Award, is a Brit. He moved to America to seek his fame and fortune. He found it. That’s the American dream right? After several years of writing for and appearing on John Stewart’s Daily Show, and a brief stint as a stand-in host, Oliver got his own show on HBO and picked up where Stewart left off. Bringing important issues to people’s attention in an entertaining format. Of course, when I’m running everything my new ‘sticks and stones will break my bones so I’m going to lock you up’ law put an end to his fun. Congratulations John. For now. |
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Best Supporting Actress Award |
Last year, faced with little other option Kathryn won this award for her work in two films that had not yet been released. It was a brilliant piece of logic.
So, it stands to reason that she wins again now the films have been released. 2015 saw both The Perfect Guy and Bone Tomahawk reach screens on both sides of the Atlantic. Although in Bone Tomahawk‘s case it was only a premiere during a film festival. The wider public screenings were delayed until February for some reason. But which film will Kathryn take the gong for? Eenie meanie etc. It’s for her role in the The Perfect Guy that she take it. Kathryn had more screen time in the film with a slight more involved character. As a mother the sight of one of the leading men with a child caused a major plot development. Plus, as a close friend of the female lead a ‘should I leave the psycho?’ chat lead another. More commonsense awarding, I’m sure you’ll agree. Well done to Kathryn. |
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Public Appearance Award |
There’s not a lot of diversity in this category.
We could change the rules to allow more entries but we need to keep the purity as much as possible. Which means the winner in this single entry category is Kathryn’s appearance at a Night Before The Oscars event in February 2015. A very welcome, and very pretty, return it was too.
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Best Costume Award |
With two films (The Perfect Guy and Bone Tomahawk) released in 2015 we got an almost unprecedented choice for the Best Costume category. In recent year’s we’ve used the public appearances but not this time. We’ve got actual costumes!
In just four short scenes in The Perfect Guy Kathryn was seen wearing as many outfits. Only two were clearly shown. A black top/white skirt combo in the crucial opening sequence and later an all-in-one, belted, sleeveless red dress. As a contrasting sign-of-the-times Kathryn’s two even shorter scenes in Bone Tomahawk saw only one dress. A dowdy grey/blue number with a lacy collar and accessorised with a grey apron. Fetching. You’d think the red dress would win this easily but let’s face it the frontier town frumpiness is the better costume. It does a what a costume needs to do: helps change the wearer into the required character. Dull is the winner! Just think, a Hollywood star turning up to a best costume award category dressed like that!
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Worst Costume Award |
Just as sure as nightdress follows day dress (what ever that is) the Best Costume Award always proceeds the Worst Costume Award.
Also predictably the award is based on the same pool of outfits. If the dull grey number from Bone Tomahawk can be the best then by the same logic (it’s a very logic-filled awards event) then the red dress from The Perfect Guy has to be the worst. I know, weird huh? I don’t make the rules! OK, I do Yes, in all its figure hugging wonderfulness the red dress Kathryn wore in a scene in The Perfect Guy is the winner of the Worst Costume Award for 2016.
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Is that all the awards we have tonight?
What do you mean I have to be somewhere else? Where? I’ve never heard them. I don’t anything about the Krazy Kool Klub Awards or whatever you said they’re called. I was there last year? You must be thinking of someone else.
So, goodnight from the KM UK Awards for 2016.
Please leave a comment below to let us know your winners and losers of 2016 in the categories I’ve made up or ones of your own choosing. Remember that if you voice any disapproval then you I will tell everyone else to boo you, have you taken outside by security, and then I will personally ask someone to punch you in the face. Goodnight.
Don’t forget to buy some KM UK-branded merchandise on the way out. It may or may not actually exist or have anything to do with KM UK. You takes your chances.
The teddy bear (minus the wig) is courtesy of IconsPedia.
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