It’s that time again.
Time to hand out some prizes in the annual KM UK Awards.
For the last couple of years we eschewed the silverware in favour of the more wallet-friendly “I ♡ KM UK” teddy bear. We’ve regained a little confidence economically but we’re not out of the woods (bear, woods, geddit?) yet so ‘austerity bear’ is back again. And, we love him so much it would not be the same without him now.
An Oscars-style awards ceremony doesn’t seem the same unless a statuette is involved though so I dipped into petty cash to buy a few new ones. There’s not enough for many full-sized versions so we bought miniatures instead. And, we found down the back of the sofa a few spare silver medals we handed out in 2012.
Put them all together and you get the medal-wearing, statue-clutching bear you see above. A ‘RichE’ wearing a ‘RichE’ and holding a ‘RichE’. Weird. Each winner will receive one.
Money is still tight though and these venues aren’t cheap to hire for the night so go easy on the free bar and buffet please.
That’s enough pre-event waffle from me. Let’s go over to our commentators, hosts, award givers and receivers.
Welcome to the 6th Annual ‘RichE’ Awards brought to you by Kathryn Morris UK
Can you believe that we’re back here again so soon? It only feels like… oh, it must be a year since the last one. A year? 12 months maybe, but surely not a year!
Before we begin the dishing out of ‘gongs’ we need to lay down a few ground rules for the event. Flash photography is banned, so no holding you camera sideways or behind you back to show off. Also, photo-bombing is not acceptable. We’re watching you Cumberbatch! And Benedict, no questions about the type of film anyone is using, OK?
Sit back and enjoy as we celebrate the highs and lows of 2014.
|
Most Viewed Unreleased Movie Award |
Prior to its actual release the winner of this award could very well have been Sony Picture’s The Interview. The ‘comedy’ about an attempt to assassinate the leader of North Korea was leaked, possibly by the very hackers that threatened vengeance if it was released, and promptly viewed by probably more people than opted to go the legal VOD route when it was released. If that all makes sense.
As this is a KM-based site we need to steer the result a little more in that direction so the winner is The Coin. The Coin has been on the festival circuit now for nearly 2 years and viewed by hundreds of people at dozens of events across the globe. It’s not been released to the public though, yet. |
|
Best Director In A Foreign Accent Award |
For a change we’ve chosen to combine the Best Director Award with the award for Best Film In A Foreign Language. It stands to reason that the winner of the best film award (The Coin, see above) nets its director an award too. It is supposition that Fabien Martorell has a French accent, but seeing as he is French I think it is a fair one.
Based on that, it can only be that he is the winner of the Best Director In A Foreign Accent Award. (Apologies for any offence caused by this award, the bear made me do it, he’s turned in to Ted and is a very bad influence on me!) |
|
Most Entertaining New Show Award |
Friends (the sitcom) killed a few things, careers mostly, but the sitcom itself was one of the biggest victims. All sitcoms in the years following were compared to it and few could measure up to the success. A dearth of 30-minute TV comedies lasted years. Thankfully things are turning around and one of the new breed of sitcoms is going to win tonight.
The Most Entertaining New Show Award goes to Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a comedy cop show starring Adam Samberg (Cuckoo), Stephanie Beatriz (Modern Family), Melissa Fumero (One Life To Live), Terry Crews (Arrested Development) etc. It’s a funny comedy! Imagine that! Zany Jake (Adam), intimidating Rosa (Stephanie), eager to do well Amy (Melissa), the always laughing Captain Holt (Andre Braugher, Homicide: Life on the Street), and the rest. All great characters. To steal and tweak Scrubs‘ catch phrase: “It’s like Cold Case, only half as long and twice as funny.” For those wondering, the show is eligible a) because I say so and b) because it was first shown in the UK in 2014. |
|
Best Supporting Actress Award |
2015 should see the release of at least two films with Kathryn in a support role. Based on her undoubted talent as an actress that means she must of been the best at it whilst filming her scenes for both The Perfect Guy and Bone Tomahawk. Therefore it stands to reason that she wins the Best Supporting Actress Award in this year’s KM UK Awards.
Anyone care to argue with that flawless logic? Thought not. Kathryn, come and receive your prize. Please. |
|
Unexpected, But Very Welcome, Appearance Award |
The last few years have been fairly lean on the public appearance front from Kathryn. None more so than 2014. Not surprising really given her major change of career into double motherhood.
It was to our collective great delight that Kathryn made an appearance at a screening of the multi-award winning (including here at KM UK) short film The Coin at the Newport Beach Film Festival. It happened in April. As this was the one and only such appearance it runs uncontested in this category, and there is the winner by default. To quote Homer Simpson: “Default, the two sweetest words in the English language. De fault! De fault!”
|
|
Best Costume Award |
The award covering Kathryn’s public appearances is always followed by the award for Best Costume, as it is picked from the outfits Kathryn’s wore.
This can be a hotly (well, it is Kathryn!) contested category even with a relatively small selection to choose from. This year with only one to choose from (see above) we’ll have to be a little more creative. Top or bottom? By which I, of course, mean the black & white top (I don’t know what you’d call that) or the jeans? Thanks to the jeans and the top we can’t see the… 😉
It was not really a fair fight. It would take very good top to those beat leg-hugging jeans, even faded ones, like that. Jeans are the winner! |
|
Worst Costume Award |
Which, unfortunately, rather makes this award for Worst Costume a bit of a foregone conclusion: the top.
I’m not sure what it is. Answers on a postcard, or in the comments below. I could probably make some rude comments about it looking related to something or other but I won’t. It was such a pleasure to see Kathryn again I would have forgiven what ever she was wearing. Bag over the head being an exception! Nothing being the other very acceptable extreme! 😉 Leaving the ‘winner’ of Worst Costume in 2014 as… that black & white top Kathryn wore to The Coin screening at Newport Beach.
|
|
Horse Drawn Wagon Jumping Award |
The various articles looking forward to the movies set to be released on 2015 noted something: the Western is making a comeback.
Western themes crop up in TV shows on a regular basis. In this current 2014-2015 season an episode of the TV show Castle has managed to squeeze in a case set on a ranch for people wanting to experience the Wild West. Frankly, it looked like an excuse to get Stana/Kate into tight jeans (they always win, see above). However, 2015 looks like becoming the year that Westerns go mainstream for the first time in a long time. Alongside Bone Tomahawk (starring Kurt Russell and Kathryn) Quentin Tarantino’s on-off-on again The Hateful Eight (also starring Kurt Russell, but not Kathryn) will be released later this year. Expect a lot of other Westerns to be rushed through production for 2016 in a shameless bout of bandwagon jumping. For that Hollywood gets an award, as if you don’t give yourself enough of them already. |
*rattle rattle rattle clunk*
What was that? Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, the coffers have run dry so the shutters have been brought down on the free bar. Let’s just hope we can end this awards night event without further interuption.
*click*
Did everyone else just start an extra long blink or have the lights gone out? Scary! Does anyone have a 50p for the electricity meter? No!?! I could start a fund raising on Kickstarter for a new bit of rubber to stop water going down the hole in your sink (it’s been done already by the way, it’s called a plug!) and raise £50,000 by the end of the day, but none of you has 50p to keep the lights on for 10 minutes! Ungrateful bunch of…
Is the PA system still working? Can you hear me? If any one is still watching/listening it looks like the show is over for this year. Cut down in its prime, I say. We still had so many statue-clutching, medal-wearing bears to hand out. Now we’ll never know who won Most Original Use Of Clogs or Best Toupe In An Animated Short.
Good night. Thank you for coming and do come back next year for another KM UK Awards 
Please leave a comment below to let us know your winners and losers of 2015 in the categories I’ve made up or ones of your own choosing.
The teddy bear, medal and statue graphics are courtesy of IconsPedia.
You’re not saying all french
people have a very strong accent,
are you ?! :p
Some are trying really hard to get rid of their stupid accent.
No, I’m not saying anything about the strength of French people’s accents, as individuals or as whole. Just that, as a Frenchman, Fabien probably has a French accent. I’m not mocking it in anyway.