Kathryn Morris UK

Last August was such a happy time in the Morris-Messner household.  We were privileged to share a small part of that joy as Kathryn and Johnny let the world know about the new additions to their family.  However, KM UK has discovered that things may not be as they appear.

Remember the differences in the details provided in August?  Soon after the big event Johnny gave a time of delivery and weights for the two newborns.  Four days later the official KM website stated it was 20 minutes later and with greater poundage for each boy.  In early September a photo of a baby, apparently called “Ed”, was posted (and swiftly deleted) on Johnny’s Tweeter feed.  Back then the discrepancies were put down to errors, misunderstandings and hacking.

Suspicions were initially raised in the later stages of the pregnancy.  It was clear from photos taken at the Plush show, the Jerry Bruckheimer Walk Of Fame and book launch events, and others (see left), that Kathryn was too large for her to be expecting only twins.  Medical records obtained for this site by an informer known only as ‘A Lil’ Proof’ give a disturbing picture of the pregnancy.

KM UK can exclusively reveal the explanation for all this:  Kathryn gave birth to not two babies, but three.  Yes, it was TRIPLETS!

But why were we not told about this?  Because to do so would make public a terrible secret.  A truth they didn’t want the world to know.  The third baby, “Ed”, is EVIL!

It all makes sense if we examine the facts:

• The name “Ed” matches a 1995 horror movie called “Evil Ed”.
• The additional, larger weight.  Evil babies are heavier.
• Each baby weight starts with a 6.  666.  Coincidence?
• The later delivery time.  Evil babies are always difficult births.
• The demonic black eyes of baby “Ed” in the deleted Twitter photo.
• The ‘accidentally’ released photo with “Ed” trying to eat Jameson or Rocco.

The shame of harbouring such a monster means they will never admit the truth, but evidence is mounting.  KM UK has received reports that since September neighbours have been hearing strange noises coming from Kathryn’s home at all hours of the day.  Sounds that have been described as “inhuman”.

Clearly “Ed” has Johnny and Kathryn living in fear but they have have been trying, possibly unconsciously, to ask for help by leaving hidden messages for people to find.  The confused weights, the deleted Tweet, etc. etc..

We need to alert the elders to help save Kathryn.  Please do what you can but don’t try and contact her or Johnny directly because you might put them at risk.

Update:  It will come as no surprise to anyone that this was my annual attempt at a humorous piece for April Fool’s Day.  You won’t have been fooled but hopefully you’ve been entertained.