Kathryn Morris UK

Last year’s KM UK Awards saw the introduction of the “I ♡ KM UK” teddy bear, aka the ‘RichE’, as a replacement for our traditional statue. The recession made the gold figurines too expensive and we’d run out of the substitute silver medals we used for the 2012 awards because of the wholly unexpected success of Team GB at that year’s summer Olympics. We’ll be dinning out on that one for decades!  Team GB has done OK at the Winter Olympics so far but I doubt it will be quite the success we had in the summer of 2012.  As a nation we tend to just stop when it snows

Due to popular demand (and the recession is not over yet, they’re still a lot cheaper, and we have soooo many still left over) the bear is back for 2014! Yay!

Yet again we’ve beaten the BAFTAs (Feb 16th) and the Oscars (Mar 2nd) to the punch.  Losers!

Unbelievably this is the fifth time we’re running this event.

Welcome to the 5th Annual ‘RichE’ Awards brought to you by Kathryn Morris UK

We have a no ‘selfie’ and no ‘twerking’ policy here.  We’ve no idea what they are but we’ve heard they are very bad so don’t do it/that/them.  Looking at you Dame Helen!  Also, no foam fingers and keep your tongues where we can’t see them.  Preferably in your own mouth.

Sit back and enjoy as we celebrate the highs and lows of 2013.

Best Movie Starring Kathryn Award	It’s a pretty narrow category this year. It has been over a year since a film starring Kathryn was released. But, yes, there was a film released during 2013 so it is eligible for an award tonight. As you’ll have/can see from the KM UK review I would not rate it as a “best” movie by any stretch but it more than qualifies for the Best Movie Starring Kathryn Award.This year’s winner is The Sweeter Side Of Life.
Best Actress Award	After the 2013 controversial choice, in place of an absent Kathryn, of Claire Danes for her work on Homeland we can return to… home… land territory this year. In 2013 she had a film out so it’s an automatic win for Kathryn in The Sweeter Side Of Life.  That doesn’t mean other options weren’t considered though…
Worst Actress Award	Unless you can really make it funny the “worst” awards always seem a bit cruel. Good on Sandra Bullock for taking it on the chin with such grace and humour a few years ago when she collected her Razzies. Sadly I’ve suffered a sense of humour failure over this so based on my view of The Sweeter Side Of Life it has to go to Kathryn.I don’t understand how it happened. I just know she can do so much better. I’m not even angry. I’m just disappointed.
Best Actress In A Sitting Position Award	As a companion to the Best Actress Award I like to have a Best Actor. I couldn’t really think of one this year so as an excuse to shoehorn in another reference to Kathryn’s work last year I’ve made up another silly award category.I’d ask Kathryn to come up to the stage and collect the award but I don’t want to disrupt her nice bit of sitting down.  Instead I will accept the award on Kathryn’s behalf for her sedentary work on the short film we know little about The Protocol.
Most Entertaining TV Show Award	A change of lane this year. A complete U-turn you might say. Slamming the brakes on years of American comedy and comedic winners.  Today we’re switching to the right correct side of the road.It may be childish at times. A little sexist occasionally.  A little xenophoic a lot too often.  Down-right stupid at others.  ‘Blokey” some will say.  In spite, or may be because of, all that it is so often just plane (sorry, wrong mode of transport) plain funny.  As one of the most downloaded shows in the world many clearly agree…Tonight the award for Most Entertaining TV Show goes to the original and the best, the UK version of Top Gear.I wanted to invite Jeremy, James and Richard along to collect their award in person but we were scared they might actually turn up! Yikes!
Best Director Award	It took all my will power not to give this to Michael Damian for extracting that performance out of Kathryn in The Sweeter Side Of Life. There can’t be many that are capable of such a feat. Fortunately sanity prevailed. Like last year we get to honour someone not as the “best director” but as the “best director”. It’s a subtle difference I know but it is there, trust me.For his generosity and help during 2013 (and into 2014) the award for Best Director goes to producer/writer/director of The Coin Fabian Martorell.A special mention goes to Aaron Jackson, the director of Sunday’s Mother, for giving KM UK exclusive access to his film prior to public its release.
Worst Director Award	I can’t still can’t decide if it requires a brilliant director or a bad one to get that performance from such an accomplished and acclaimed actress. Was it actually the desired (pun intended) result?It gives me no pleasure but the award for Worst Director goes to Michael Damian.
Longest Short Film Award	Here at the KM UK Awards we like to mix things up with a new category or two each year. I’m making it up as I go along basically Following on from the Best Director award we’ve heard so much about (and yet so little) about the short film The Coin this past 18 months, but so few have had an opportunity to see it. I get the feeling we’ve got a few more months of that to go as well. Hopefully we’ll all get to watch this intriguing piece of work soon.For only 9 minutes of film it has been a very long process which is not over yet, so the award for the Longest Short Film goes to The Coin.
Best Special Effects Award	Special effects in movies can be all shouty and ‘in your face’ such as in much of Michael Bay oeuvre. It can also be very subtly done with changes in lighting and colour to change the whole tone of a scene. Based on what we’ve seen so far Fabien Martorell’s The Coin is very much in the latter category. Although the post-production trickery used to make Kathryn appear to be a terrible, terrible mother must have rivalled Peter Jackson’s Weta Digital, the FX company responsible for The Lord Of The Rings films amongst others.The KM UK 2014 Award for the Best Special Effects goes to Carlos Arguello, the cinematographer on The Coin, and the rest of the crew for making Kathryn look like this:
Best Costume Award	The Best Costume Award is picked from the outfits Kathryn’s worn during her public appearances during the past year. This category has been very tightly (pun intended) fought recently due to the limited number of options to actually choose from. The late appearance of a photo from February’s MPTF ‘Night Before The Oscars’ (below left) event gave us both more and, ironically, less to work with. For a while it was looking like the dual entries in June (Plush Show and Jerry Bruckheimer Hollywood Walk Of Fame event, middle and right respectively) might be all we had to work with. Purely on the basis of it being more of an outfit (or costume to fit the normal award title) the winner has to be the grey dress from the Night Before The Oscars. (We won’t mention the dorky-looking bloke stood next to her who is really letting the side down!)
Hardest Working Costume Award	See the previous item for the contenders. They are all up for this award too.The first dress (from the MPTF event, above left) is trying very hard to be see-through but failing to a truly disappointing degree The other two, however, are clearly having to work very hard to contain so much. The black and white crazy pattern dress (above right) is failing on that score but doing so in a frankly marvellously fashion :-DThat leaves our Hardest Working Costume Award to go to the stripy top from the Plush Show. It really is not stretching a point to say it wraps things up nicely!
Most Surprising Release Award	Films these days come out on multiple formats: DVD, Blu-ray, streaming, download. Some lucky ones even get a cinema release first.An early preview in April of Kathryn’s greatest work, after being in production for a few months already , took us all by surprise. It was announced as being a simultaneous dual release but in a single format. We had to wait another 4 months before the theatrical release was confirmed, and another month after that before a public viewing.Yes, I’m talking babies.The most surprising release of 2013 award goes to Kathryn (and Johnny who we understand had a small part in it 😉 ).

You can’t follow that, so I’m not going to try.

Looks like sticking with the teddy bears was a good idea as we’ve had a very baby-based ceremony. Perhaps next year we’ll have to lay on a crèche to cut down on the crying throughout the event. These Hollywood-types can be very emotional when they don’t win… and when they do come to think of it

Join us again next year for another KM UK Awards

Please leave a comment below to let us know your winners and losers of 2013 in the categories I’ve made up or ones of your own choosing.

The teddy bear graphic is courtesy of Icons-Land @ IconsPedia.