Kathryn Morris UK

KM UK Awards 2012

RichE Medal It’s effected/affected everyone to some degree or other. Sadly even the KM UK Awards are not immune to the global financial crisis.

Belts must be tightened. No diamond-studded Ferrari’s for the bankers this year. The little ‘RichE’ statuettes have been melted down to make gold watches for their bonuses. Don’t worry, they’ll get their normal bonuses next year for (not) screwing things up again. Instead we’ve had to resort using the silver medals that Team Great Britain (and Northern Ireland) won’t be winning at this year’s London Olympics. We’ve even had to sell the red carpet (which would have been white anyway due to current the whether in England), so no parading up and down in inappropriately skimpy clothing for the time of year ladies. And, the budget will no longer cover the legions of scriptwriters, so don’t expect the usual comedy gold either. Sorry.

All the press attention might be going on the upcoming Oscars and this weekend’s BAFTAs but even in their reduced form these are the awards everyone really wants. Ladies and gentlemen, the Kathryn Morris UK Awards 2012.

Welcome to the 3rd Annual ‘RichE’ Awards brought to you by Kathryn Morris UK.

The success of The Artist nearly made us do this entirely in black and white and with no sound. Luckily I’ve managed to find a bit of cash down the back of the sofa for the colour licence and a bit of string for transmitting the audio between the two plastic cups. The 50 pence coin in the electricity meter may not last long though so let’s crack on with the awards.

Best Actress

It almost goes without saying that the winner, as in the previous two occurrences of this ceremony, is Kathryn Morris. If only we’d got to see more evidence of it during 2011.

Best Actor

It doesn’t look like Brad Pitt is going to win the best actor award for Moneyball at the BAFTAs or the Oscars. I’m sure that his was a fine performance but others (George Clooney in The Descendants and Jean Dujardin in The Artist) seem to be the preferred options. There is some mighty fine spoon work by William Bradley Pittinson (OK, the last bit is not true

) in the deleted scene from Moneyball that Kathryn appeared in, but out of sheer spite on my part he ain’t winning the award here either. No Mr Jolie, it’s not for you! The award does go to a star of that deleted scene though.

The winner of the KM UK Awards 2012 in the category of Best Actor is… one of the waiters that drifts in and out of the shot, all out of focus in the far background. Frankly I don’t care which of them gets it.

Most Prolific Actor

I’d really like to give this one (and several other things 😮 ) to Kathryn, but sadly it can’t be. Quite a few actors turn up in multiple TV shows and films in one year. The startling eyes of Rena Sofer, for example, regularly turn up in recurring roles in shows like Bones, NCIS and Heroes. However, in 2011 there can’t be an actor that guest starred in more things than our winner.

She (for it is a she) was a co-star of Kathryn’s in the recent past. She’s a fellow Brit. Since the long-running TV show Lost finally got out of its time loop and ended she seemed to turn up everywhere. Much like her character in Alphas she wasn’t always obvious at first sight, but she was there somewhere. Just about the only thing she didn’t guest star in last year was… err… give me a minute… the Leveson enquiry?

Congratulations to actress Rebecca Mader, a first time winner of a ‘RichE’.

Most Entertaining TV Show Award

Last year Castle snuck this award away from Bones as it was the more consistently entertaining. Bones was in the running again this year but seems to have gone a little more serious and the start of season 6 has been so broken up it is difficult to keep track of when it is on. Surprise new entry in 2011 was Ringer. The return of Buffy to the small screen can only be a cause for celebration. I’m not sure I’d call it entertaining though. It’s intriguing and increasingly difficult to keep track of two SMGs (as if 1 isn’t great enough 😉 ) but perhaps not entertaining as such. The frankly bizarre at times college based sitcom Community was definitely in the running as well.

But our winner, for the 2nd year running, is Castle. The show has such a great mix of drama, action, crime, story, characters and, of course, the comedy. The most recent episode included big Cold Case-style flashbacks. There haven’t been many that have had the honour of two ‘RichEs’. They must be very proud.

Still no signs of the much wanted guest starring role for Kathryn though. Nathan and Stana, make it happen! Now!

Best New Movie Starring Kathryn

If Kathryn’s small role in Moneyball had made it to the release version it would have been a shoe-in. The film has had great reviews and garnered quite a few awards already, and will no doubt pick up more in the coming weeks. Sadly, Tara Beane was airbrushed (or should that be macheted?) from the re-telling of that particular bit of history so it can’t win.Which just leaves us two options. Cougars, Inc. (aka ‘the film we couldn’t talk about’) took the prize last year by default despite not actually being released within the necessary time period. That was stretching the rules to breaking point. My reluctance to associate Cougars, Inc. with the word “best” means I tempted to stretch them even further and go for Sunday’s Mother, a film not released in 2011 or likely to be released in any real sense at all in the future. We may need to keep it in reserve for the 2013 awards though.

So, and it almost pains me to say it, the winner of the Best New Movie Starring Kathryn is Cougars, Inc.

Best New Movie Not Quite Starring Kathryn

Looks like Moneyball won’t have to wait too long before it receives another award after all, as it is about to get another one. Despite the limited audiences that sports movies tend to have, especially when they focus on real events that will alienate people that don’t like the teams/players portrayed, Moneyball has been a success on many fronts. Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill have won plaudits for their performances. The script, despite the complicate life it had prior to reaching the screen, is regularly picked out as a highlight. Even at the box office, the one place the film was not guaranteed to succeed, the film acquitted itself well.And it achieved all that without our Kathryn in it. She filmed multiple scenes with Brad but they all got left on the cutting room floor. One was allowed out onto the field as a DVD extra.

Which all goes to make Moneyball the Best Movie Not Quite Starring Kathryn Morris.

Dis-Organised? Award

I’ve been unable to think of a better title for this award. Suggestions are welcome.

This is a special award to honour exceptional achievement in a particular field. You need to have really excelled to be worthy of this award and I think we have a clear winner.Classic old phrases like “couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery” spring to mind when thinking about the promotion of Cougars, Inc. It only became widely known (thanks largely to this site) just a few hours before it happened that the film was to receive an LA première. In the scheme of Hollywood premières it was the sort of small fry event that occur by the dozen each week but it almost passed us by. The after party, such as it was, was just a few people stood in the corner of a venue that was host to a much larger and unrelated do. If all that wasn’t bad enough it pales into significance compared to the “tour”. Severe weather may have caused one event to be cancelled but the rest? The Austin, Texas premièrebecame a just screening with cast members tending the bar. It didn’t happen. After more claims of screenings the tour became an offer for some people involved in the film (no promises who that would be) to attend events arranged by members of the public. I’m sure that the original plans were badly effected by the way the film was treated by the distributor, but really…? It was a brilliant lesson in how not to publicise a film. This site did more than they did!

For all the reasons above the winners of this award are the publicity team for Cougars, Inc. They showed an unrivalled level of competence I’d ask a representative to fly over to the UK to collect the award but I fear where they and their luggage would end up!

Best Costume Award

Sadly we do not have a wide selection to chose from in 2011. Just two in fact: the Cougars, Inc. premiere/after party and the LA Look Holiday Party events.

Of the two the award has to go to the shiny top and black leggings from the Cougars, Inc. premiere.

Worst Costume Award

Err… Sadly we do not have a wide selection to chose from in 2011. Just two in fact: the Cougars, Inc. premiere/after party and the LA Look Holiday Party events.

It is very tempting to give the award to that Xmas tree It’s cute but the Look LA Holiday Party lopsided heart jumper and jeans combo gets the award. I get the feeling that Kathryn was not expecting to be photographed at this function.

Best Editing Award

If you didn’t know different you could watch Moneyball and not even know that Billy Beane had a second wife. Amazing work by the editor.

Best Special Effect Award

The almost seamless removal of Kathryn from Moneyball, though many spotted the wedding ring Brad was wearing as Billy Beane.

Best Contribution Award

Each year we like to honour the contribution of one of KM UK’s many readers. As you can see we’ve run out of medals for this year so we’re unable to give out an award

However, if you feel that you have made a significant and noteworthy contribution to this site during 2010 then please consider yourself a winner of this award. Print out a copy of the larger medal above and wear it with pride.

And with that we’ve reached the end of the ‘RichE’ awards for 2012. Still no sign of Kathryn turning up to accept her awards. Maybe next year. Feel free to comment on your winners and losers from 2011.

Assuming we don’t get the threatened ‘double-dip’ recession we should to be back up to full strength next year handing out loads more golden ‘RichE’ statuettes.

I don’t think the 50p will hold out much longer so it just leaves me to say goodby…..

The medal graphic is courtesy of Customicondesign @ IconsPedia.